MOMENTS
1. CURL UP AND DIE........I walked into a hair salon
with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a
blow job?" - Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin TX
2. PAD PLEASE.......... An insurance man visited me at
home to talk about our mortgage insurance. He was
throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I
wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my
6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back
and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest. -
Kate Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC
3. HO, HO, HO............. I was taking a shower when
my 2 year old son came into the bathroom and wrapped
himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he
looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a
few shots. They came out so well that I had copies
made and included one with each of our Christmas
cards. Days later, a relative called about the
picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take
a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was
shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had
captured my reflection in the mirror wearing nothing
but a camera! - Name Withheld
4. LADY GOLFER................ I was at the golf store
comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After
browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one
of the good looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I
looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with
men's balls."- Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
5. NUTS ABOUT YOU............My sister and I were at
the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of
nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy
behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I
replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My
sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned,
and I turned beet red and walked away. To this day, my
sister has never let me forget. - Faye Emerick, 34,
Ellerslie, MD
6. PRICELESS.............A lady picked up several
items at a discount store. When she finally got up to
the checker, she learned that one of her items had no
price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker
got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store
to hear,"PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER
SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear
of the store apparently misunderstood the word
"Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a
voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE
KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND
IN WITH A HAMMER?"
7. MOM'S ADVICE......... A teacher noticed that a
little boy at the back of the class was squirming
around, scratching his crotch and not paying
attention. She went back to find out what was going
on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he
had just recently been circumcised and he was quite
itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the
principal's office. He was to phone his mother and ask
her what he should do about it. He did it and
returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion
at the back of the room. She went back to investigate
only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis
hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your Mom."
she screamed. "I did," he said, "And she told me that
if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.
